Hiring an escort is probably the best thing a man who is married or attached can do for himself and for his spouse or girlfriend, some conservative, uptight people might disagree with me on this, but let me explain my rationale.
First off I’ll say being committed to someone is hard, honestly I don’t know how people ( including myself) do it. I got married about 3 weeks ago to my boyfriend of almost years, he is honestly the first man I have ever been truly in love with, the first person I could call my best friend, my soul mate.
So I have been on all sides. I have been a mistress (non paid) an escort and girlfriend and a wife. And looking back, marriage to me is less of a life sentence of commitment, but rather a statement that this you love this person, that they are your best friend.
People that go into marriage expecting it’s going to be all sunshine and roses are in for a huge shock. It’s not. Its hard. Affairs happen, porn happens, fights happen. In my situation, I am more likely the partner who would be tempted.
So for the men that are married/attached and thinking about cheating, I get it, I feel your pain…First before I go any further, let me share my definition of what cheat is…and what it isn’t.
To me, sex isn’t cheating. If you go out and have sex with a woman who you care little to nothing about…a coworker, an escort etc…I don’t consider that cheating. Sometimes you just get tempted, then doing something and regret it later.
I also don’t consider porn cheating…and the people who think this way…mostly women, are loonies.If porn was considered cheating, I am a serial cheater.
What I consider to be cheating is developing an emotional relationship with someone else. If you have feelings for someone else and those feelings are growing, I consider this cheating and highly unfair to all involved including yourself.
So if you are a married man/attached man going to an escort is the best thing you can do. Escorts are not going fall in love with you, she is not going to call your wife to tell you what you are doing when you decide to break things off with her, she is not going to get pregnant with your child. With an escort, you have a safe no strings attached situation.
Hi, I agree with most of what you say. Many women though would not agree with the sentiment. And consider any sex outside of marriage is a deceit
What I disagree with are two points.
1. The term ‘Use an Escort’ I use the services of an escort, I don’t Use an escort and I most definitely don’t buy her. This is terminology I don;t like, and is used by the prohibitionists.
2. Many men, me included, and this is said by many escort agencies and escorts is that men are often looking for a relationship with the escort. Not a full blown relationship, but something more than sex. Yes we like our ego’s massaged, we like to think the escort see something in us. We like to discuss items in our life we could never confide in with our wives.
Yes we like to pretend we are in love for a while, but have that safety blanket that we can fall back on.
Thanks for your insight!
Brava!! This post is so simple and to-the-point and I agree very much.
This topic is one of the over-arching realities that I am exploring on my blog as well. Steve’s second point is the one that I am (a little) obsessed with as a side-note, where I present the things that men say to me that indicate that their extra-marital affair is about much more than sex.
And it SHOULDN’T BE FREE.
It is incredibly unfair to think that some woman should put on for what is, on the outside, a real relationship, with the stipulation that her companionship should be simply for his/(her) enjoyment.
I hope this doesn’t sound like an advertisement, I really do like your blog. Haha!
You’re giving these men too much credit. Realistically I don’t think most of the married men that come to me have this liberal view about marriage. They’re just selfish lol. Now if it is the case, and your partner has been made aware of these views so they can make an informed decision to or not to enter/remain in a relationship with you that’s fine.
Now, I’m not getting self-righteous here by any means because as an escort, yes most of my clients are attached. But you know what, I didn’t seek him out, he came to me. Plus, I have no moral obligations to her whatsoever, he does (usually)
You are right that men are being selfish, but the whole tenant of the posting is not invalid. Yes the man is going to stray, but it is better to stray with an escort than have a complicated relationship with another person. The sex worker is a paid for no strings attached sexual encounter, totally outside of the relationship with your partner. Yes deceitful, but if kept hidden and safe, far better than a relationship with a mistress which will become emotional, complicated and eventually break up the marriage.
There too are the married men who love their wives and have a good relationship with them, but not a sexual one. Visiting an escort fulfils their sexual needs, but still allows them to continue with the marriage. Alas talking about this with your partner will not go down well. You may consider the man to be selfish, but I hate to say it, his partner should be taking some blame for this. Bringing the subject up of extra marital sex is rather risky and best avoided.
ESCORTS… “YOU ARE NOT PAYING THEM FOR SEX, YOU ARE PAYING THEM TO LEAVE” -C. SHEEN-
I don’t think anything is invalid. If I did, I probably wouldn’t have responded. Just a difference of opinion. I don’t think a woman should ever take blame for her man cheating. It is something he decided to do on his own accord. Not something he has to do. Not something she made him do.
Rather than blame her, perhaps he should look within himself first. Maybe he’s not doing all he can to put her in the mood. What could be a bigger turn off for a wife than a man who doesn’t pick up behind himself, doesn’t help out with the kids or household duties, etc. If she is willing and just isn’t skilled, why not open up your mouth and tell her what you like? We don’t come out of the womb knowing how to please a man. We all had to learn from someone. Who better than your husband? Alas, I can’t tell them any of this because, if it weren’t for the fact that men want to have their cake and eat it too, I’d be out of a job.
That said, I do think it’s “better” to have an NSA affair than a complicated one. I just think their excuses for doing are bull and I wish they didn’t feel so compelled to share them with me because I don’t… care. I suppose I should be thankful to them for helping me dodge the bullet that is marriage. This work has helped me realize that too many guys don’t have enough integrity to take responsibility for their own actions and don’t have the cajones to speak up about what they really want.
/Rant
Yes and it goes both ways. I have sought the services of my consorts also because I have a private life and certainly don’t want it interrupted (how’s that for complicated). All married, attached or seriously dating people should see safe escorts–and NO ONE ELSE! This protects your relationship investment as an escort will never be interested in dating/marrying you, having your baby or running and telling your significant other about what you have been doing. Men who do otherwise are asking for trouble and perhaps that’s just what they want subconsciously.