Big Choices

This afternoon, I was having lunch at a cafe here in Paris with Luc and we started discussing our future together as well as my lack of my future with my soon-to-be ex husband Marc.

I have known Luc for over ten years, and we have gone through so much together, both good and bad and currently we both have something in common, we both have nothing. Absolutely nothing. No home, no money…nothing. That’s right…I’m broke and homeless…but I am in Paris…so who cares?

Both of us started out fairly well, Luc was once a very prominent agency owner, now he is seeking work as a male escort.

We also share two children, Amelie and Charlotte, and as I found out a few weeks ago…I am expecting another. When Luc found this out, he was overjoyed, I was just as happy as him, but there is a part of me that is worried that perhaps this is not the best thing for us right now, and I am not sure how I can bring a child into the world when I don’t even have a home to raise them in. I have not told Luc yet, but I have been thinking of ending my pregnancy. Abortion is not as easy for me as it might be for other women, despite all the crazy stuff I do, there is still a good Catholic somewhere inside of me that is wrestling with the idea of it.

This afternoon, Luc and I were discussing our future, and as we were finishing up our meal, he got up and leaned down on one knee and proposed to me. He’s done this several times through our 10 year on and off again relationship, but this time something actually stuck, and there was no other man clouding up my vision with a future with him.

So I said yes.